Tuesday, March 4, 2008

When it rains, it doesn't just pour...it FREAKIN' dumps!!!

This is my moment to vent, complain, be negative, whatever. It's my blog and I am frustrated and exhausted.

I'll start at the end of January even though January was pretty hellish. I won't bore you with the events of all the people that hurt me this month. But, everyone's been sick and there was a lot of personal turmoil.

Well, my dad got really sick suddenly and ended up being taken to the ER by ambulance. I knew how sick he was and I had awakened the doctor first to run things by him and he told me to take him to the ER. So, around 1 am I decided to take him to the ER myself. I went out to warm up the car, make a nice little bed with a pillow and blanket and got all ready. When I went to get him, he fainted in my arms and I knew it wasn't going to work. Imagine holding a 165 pound man up when he is dead weight. Since he doesn't have a wife to take care of him and I live with him, I had to deal with it. He had a really bad infection among other things that made him both scary and funny delerious. Of course we can laugh about it now but in the moment, I was freaking out! I called Suzanne to meet me at the hospital and together we waited. She was so good to help out. She missed most of work that next day and both of us missed a night of sleep. I was soooooo tired. Well dad spent a week in the hospital which included his 66th birthday. Happy Birthday dad! The night of his birthday he was in A-fib and had to be transferred to another section of the hospital. The next day we were all very worried. We all had to come to terms with the fact that we might lose him. It was the closest he had come to dying. On Tuesday, I couldn't stop crying about it and Tamra and I didn't even finish our workout. I was just losing it thinking I was losing him. Especially at this crazy time in my life. Suzanne slept over night at the hospital a couple nights and then Danielle flew out from LA and missed worked to help out. She stayed overnight and all day with him for a few nights. I am so glad that there are six of us kids. They were all so helpful and eased so much of the burden. We were able to spread the work among us all. They are all awesome. I love 'em! Thanks to Cham, Alicia and Tamra too. Oh, and Georgia (my primary pres.) who brought me a meal. Well, he came home and was very weak for a while. It's been a stressful couple of weeks. He is still having many doctors' appointments and trying to figure out the right medications and all but overall, he is healing well and getting stronger everyday. Yeah!!! But, he needs surgery next week so we will be happy when that is over.

Then, there's the motherly things. The constant worry about your kids and trying not to feel like a failure. Without getting into too much of the details, I am busy trying to help children cope and function and understand during a very difficult time. There have been some good times and some hard times. It seems as if I just get one fire put out and another starts up. Being a mother is hard enough with the usual homework, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, meals, doctors appointments, orthodontist appointments, piano, dance, choir, soccer practice, soccer games, parent teacher conference, classroom volunteering, church calling, FHE, temple attendance, scripture study, praying, exercise, and sleep. Then imagine a little unusual stuff, more trauma and a bunch of nonsense. You get the picture. Exhausting!

Then, the wind was terrible on Saturday. The neighbors tent that covers their boat blew over the fence and into our yard. It was stopped by a pine tree with four metal posts in the air and four metal posts against a tree. Two of my neighbors came over and we were fighting the wind to get the tarp unattached from the posts. It was difficult and we felt like nothing was working. We finally got one leg undone and could work on the rest. I had Mikaela run in and get my dad to help out. A couple of the neighbor kids came to help too. It was their tent and their parents weren't home. So, we got it all apart and no one was hurt. Dalton and Hudson were the ones to see it first and they were yelling for me to come look. I looked at it and thought, I have no idea what to do here. I just kept thinking, if it decides to blow into the house and break a window, please let it be the sliding glass door that we are replacing next week. Thank goodness for the pine tree that stopped it.

Right after the tent incident, I needed to take the kids and my car to Suzanne at the mall who was taking 6 kids to a play. She needed my car to fit them all. I was late because of the tent situation so we were hurrying. Well, we are short a car and mine needed to be registered. The plan was that I would get it done the day before but the mechanic shop couldn't get me in that day so plan B was to get it done before the play. Obviously, that didn't happen. It is getting old and has high miles so I figured it wouldn't pass and would need to have it repaired. So, it decided to completely die on me on my way to the mall. Right on 10600 S. on a Saturday. In the cold rain. No hazards, no power, nothing. I sat there with my seatbelt on hoping that no one would rear end me. No one did, but a few people yelled nasty's at me. That always cheers you up. I couldn't call dad because he didn't have a car. Luckily, I had a cell phone. Yea, for technology. We decided the alternator was gone. (Come to find out, my battery was shorting and caused the alternator to go out so now they both have to be replaced.) So, I sat on 10600 S. waiting for Summer and her friend to come and help me jump start it so that I can get it to the mall where my mechanic will pick it up and we can take it to Orem. It won't hold a charge at all. So, Chamberlee guilts her brother into coming out and towing me to the mall. No way can we make it to the mall so we make it to the Denny's parking lot where we leave it overnight. The next day after church and a lousy unprepared sharing time, I meet my mechanic and we charge it and then take off for Orem as fast as we can so I don't have to use any lights. Summer and Alicia follow behind me to bring me back home. I get all the way to the freeway exit and have to use some sort of lights so I use my parking lights. I drive up to State street and I can see the street I need to turn on and my car dies again so I scoot over to the middle lane and coast to the light and stop. It was literally a block from the shop. My mechanic comes running over and tries to recharge and nothing. He runs back to his shop and brings another charger and I head to his shop. My car dies again in the entrance to his shop. By now, it is beyond ridiculous. We got it in and it is currently being fixed. Yeah!!! I have to say that to everyone that helped me and remained so calm and polite, I THANK YOU. And now I owe Summer, Josh, Cham, Conrad, Gordy, Suzanne and Nick BIG TIME!!!

During all this time, I woke up Saturday with the worst back pain. I mean painful enough that people would take Lortab for it. I didn't but, I wanted to. Apparently, I strained my back muscles doing this stupid new exercise at the gym. My core muscles are so weak. I'm tired of it. I have been working so hard for a couple years and I am still so weak. I don't know what's wrong with me. After all the stress on Saturday, my back was killing me even more. I was crying and couldn't move. On Sunday I wore my Asics to church, put my dress shoes on, got to the chapel and took em off the rest of the meetings. I did sharing time in my bare feet. It was so miserable. I didn't start feeling better till today (Tuesday).

Now, I know that many of you would probably handle all this just fine. Some of you, that may not know the whole story of me, may think I am being a baby. I am not, I am just so tired of being strong all the time and trying to hold things together. I really wanted to have a breakdown, but I didn't. I surprised myself and remained calm and just forged ahead. Those of you that know me, know that I can handle a lot, but there just comes a time when you would like for it to STOP DUMPING!!! I just want some peace and tranquility. Is it out there?

10 comments:

Kelli said...

Hey Larissa, it's Kelli (Troy Noorda's wife). I found your link on Keli's blog and I thought is this Larissa? So I checked it out. Just so you know, I would have had a breakdown a long time ago. I backed my car into the garage (theres more to the story) and had a breakdown just over that.

Larissa said...

Hi Kelli, how are you? I am glad you found me. Next time we get together, you will have to tell me the garage story. Did you see the Hawaii pictures on my blog? You'll have to check them out. I like to look through them when it's snowing outside. Of course, then I end up missing Hawaii even more!!! That was a fun trip.

Keli said...

Hey gals! I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I can't even imagine. I have so many cliches running through my head right now, but I'll spare you. All I'm gonna say, is you ROCK! That's a ton to put up with, in addition to whatever else is going on, so good for you to deal as well as you have. And if it helps, I backed my minivan into my garbage can, and then pulled forward into the driveway glacier, then backed up into the neighbors driveway glacier. Yep, 3 dents in one disastrous move. Duh. I had a minor breakdown over that. So now I get to be a fat mom driving a dented minivan. I hate being a stereotype.

Meg said...

Hey Larissa! Hang in there! I know times are tough, but things will start looking up soon. Just remember you have a great family and lots and lots of people who love you!

Meg said...

Hang in there Larissa! Things will start to look up soon! Just rememeber you have GREAT kids, and lots of people who love you!

Larissa said...

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain."

After the long and depressing last post, I thought I ought to attach an uplifting motto to my header. You can barely read it, but I found it fitting for this post. Thanks everyone for your love, friendship and support.

Hillary said...

I am glad to hear that your dad made it through ok. Last time I talked to you he was still pretty bad. Sorry about the other stuff. I can feel for you though. sometimes it feels like everything hits at the same time. I am back in town now and would love to have lunch. Give me a call when you get a chance.

Kevin Harris said...

I really like your website. Sorry you got hit with so much at once. It is nice to have a blog where you can let it all out. Mine saves me some days. Keep up the good writing and have a good one!
http://suspendedthoughts.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

It is Chamberlee. I know so much has been going on and things have been crazy and hard, sorry. I have a more positive twist on the car breakdown though, it was bad timing (like usual) and Suzanne and Nick were trying to take all the kids to a play but as soon as you called that you broke down the whole family pulls together, that is what I love the MOST about the DeGraaff family (besides your brother) everyone is alway there and will drop anything for anyone. It is good to vent and get how you feel out but we love you and your kids and know things will get better.

Larissa said...

Hey Cham. You are so right. Everyone does drop everything to help each other out. I know that I am so lucky with all the love and support I have. I have heard so many stories about people that don't have that and it makes me sad. So, you are right. I do need to look on the positive side of things. You know, we REALLY are so awesome!!! J/K We better not advertise the "dropping anything for anyone" in case someone gets wind of it and wants our help. So, shhhhh!