Monday, March 30, 2009

Which wolf?

I went to the library tonight for Mikaela's tutoring session and picked up two books for myself. One is Dr. Phil's latest "Real Life" and the other is called "Never give in, Never give up" by Carlana Stone Lawson. I saw the "Never Give In" book just sitting there on the shelf and it said on the cover "a gripping and inspiring story about how to soar through life's adversities." I decided I could use an inspiring story, not to mention, one that would help me put my life back into perspective. It's about a girl who was paralyzed at age seventeen and was never able to walk again, but teaches about her lessons that she has learned along the way. I have wanted to purchase the Real Life book for some time now and saw it sitting on the shelf too so I grabbed them both. There is a part in the Never Give In book where she talks about choosing to obsess on the negative and in so doing, miss out on the little things that bring us joy OR choosing to exploit the joy. It is often the simple things that give our life meaning. She also gives exercises and one of those was to record every couple of days, two or three simple things that you are grateful for. So, tonight I am grateful for my children, my family, and my friends. Those aren't simple things, but it's a grateful place to start.

Then, I heard this story in a talk and I saw it on Lisa Bearnsen's blog and thought I would post it on my blog as a reminder to myself.

Two Wolves


One evening an elderly Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Which of your wolves do you want to win? I definitely need to stop feeding the Evil wolf inside of me. Thanks to everyone for your blogging hugs! I appreciate it.

I can't even think of a title...

I've had a terrible week. It started out sad. Sad about all things I hate like cancer, mental illness and such. Sad that young people die. Sad that life is hard. Sad that things don't turn out like you plan. Just...sad...you know? Then, sad turned to shock and as that wore off it turned to extreme hurt and then anger.

Makes me wonder why?

Why are people so mean?

Why are even good people so hurtful?

I was betrayed this week. By someone who I thought I knew. Someone I trusted with my life. Someone that did something so shocking that no one else I know has advice on how to handle it.

Life is confusing.

I don't understand people.

I don't understand human-ness. But, I'm not sure that's all this is.

I know that not everyone has to deal with craziness. Some have to deal with other pains. I don't want any of it and I don't wish it on anyone. But, I especially don't like crazy. I guess that means I'm ready for the other side. Is this how it has to feel in order to desire it, rather than fear it? Do we have to be hurt so painfully here on earth, that we can only look for respite on the other side? I don't think I would feel this over there. I don't think this person would think evil thoughts and do such hurtful actions over there. I've never had this happen before. Will the craziness ever end? Can't I just be a daughter of God, doing my best, raising my children and living the best life I can? None of us are perfect, but we're not supposed to hurt each other either. There are better ways of dealing with issues. I guess that's when you let go.

I'm back to feeling sad.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Happy Birthday Gram!!!



Happy Birthday to my sweet and funny Grandma Maxi. Here is the link to her last year's post. I know she wasn't feeling well on her birthday so I hope she got better so she could party it up at her birthday luncheon with the fam! Here's to you Gram...and many more. Eat a piece of cake for me!

Monday, March 23, 2009

March Madness giveaway!!!

Go to Mormon Mommy Blogs to enter their March Madness giveaway! They have some cool prizes available. I never win these things but, I do have one friend that won once. So...ya never know.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Flashback Friday!

This memory really isn't that exciting, but it is something I wanted to document.

Today's flashback is all about blankies! Each of my children had a favorite blankie. The one they couldn't live without. It was weird that they all attached to a blankie as I don't remember any of my siblings nor myself doing that but, nonetheless, they did. It was cute, but at times...it was a pain. I am a huge sentimental person so the plan was to always save their blankies in the special treasures box for safe keeping. It was just a matter of when they would give it up. The biggest stress for me was trying not to lose the blankies so they would be available for safe keeping.

Here are their stories:

Mikaela had a blankie that was yellow on one side and hearts on the other. She was attached to it from the beginning. There were others to choose from, but her heart belonged to this one. She slept with it for a long time until I finally packed it away in her special treasures box (about 2 years ago...yes, it's true!) None of my kids took blankie everywhere...you know, like the grocery store or church (I think Dalton tried church for a while)...it was just a home thing, doctor's visits or when we would go on trips. With Mikaela we traveled a lot. We lived in Iowa and would travel to Utah and California for vacation to see family. Every flight and drive, we would pack that blankie along for the ride. Blankie brought Mikaela much comfort. One visit to Utah, we stayed a week longer than dad and we were watching some home videos. Mikaela was probably 12 months old or so. She saw the video of a baby laying on HER blankie and HER dad was talking to said baby. She looked at the tv screen, put her hand up on the screen and said in a soft, yet sad voice "da da, blankie." It was so sad, so we decided there would be no more watching videos of said baby and blankie while Mikaela was around! On another trip to California, we packed the blankie. Mikaela was older, but times were tough for our family. The kids relied on blankies a lot during these times. We always packed blankies in our carry-ons so we had them on the plane as well as if we were ever stranded somewhere without our luggage. The kids and I were flying back early on a Sunday morning so we could be in the primary program that day. I was in charge of the program and they kids were in it. So, we were at the airport very early in the am. We boarded our plane home and did our program and all was well. (Aside from pure exhaustion on mommy's part!) Don was coming home that night at 11 pm. At some point during the day, Mikaela realized that she has lost her blankie. Her exact words were, "you mean I've lost my blanket that I've had my whole life?" We unpack and can't find it anywhere! I remember her with it in the airport waiting to board our plane to Utah, but don't remember seeing it anytime after that. So, we call dad to ask him to check at the Oakland airport and tell him exactly where we had been sitting. He comes home and low and behold, he has blankie. Apparently, we left it where we were sitting and someone took it to the check-in desk and it was just sitting on the counter. It stayed at the airport all day and came home safe and sound! Whew...relief!

Hudson's blankie was blue and white checker on one side and Noah's Ark on the other. It was given to us by our neighbor Terry's mom in Iowa. We lived next to the Teela's and the night before I had Hudson, I was in labor while visiting with them. Her sister was also in the hospital laboring all day and was hoping to have her baby after midnight so her birthday would be 5-5-99! I wasn't due till the 25th so I figured I was just enduring braxton hicks. The next morning I wake up at 5 am and I am not having braxton hicks. I am in true labor...but I didn't really know it. That's another crazy story. Anyway, Hudson was born and Terry's mother came to visit her. Terry came over and said her mom wanted to see Hudson. I think she took him over to her house first and I came over a few minutes later. When I got there (it was like five steps away...apartments), her mom had him wrapped in this Noah's Ark blankie. I thought to myself, hmmm...she must think he's cold cuz I didn't have him in a blanket. Then, Terry told me that was Hudson's blanket. Her mother had made it for him! How sweet is that? So, that became Hudson's blankie. I took Hudson on July 3rd to get his Kindergarten shots. I remember this because it was the city parade and Don was in it and we were rushing like mad to get it all done. Hudson took blankie with him to get his shots. With all the rushing, we lost blankie. Had no idea where it was. I went back to the parade route, asked friends, and checked the car. I also called the doctor's office but blankie was no where to be found! Tears, sadness. What am I gonna do? I searched fabric stores for this material (it was very popular at one time) but it was no longer available. I posted on craigslist that I was looking for this material. I would check ebay but, no one had this material. Hudson was devastated. After nine months of mourning the loss of blankie...we had a doctor's appointment. As we were leaving I had a thought to ask one more time if it could be in the lost and found even though I knew it wouldn't be there. I mean, if the girl didn't see it a few days after we lost it, it surely won't be there after this long. She takes us to the lost and found and BINGO...there is Hudson's Noah blankie!!! It was a miracle! And now, it's packed away.

Dalton's blankie is a Winnie the Pooh receiving blanket. We had two of them. They were given to me for Mikaela in a two pack. For some reason, this became Dalton's blankie and fortunately we had two and he loved them both equally. This twosome became necessary because when Dalton suddenly had a dad's house AND a mom's house...there was also a blankie for each house! Dalton was my only thumb sucker, but he would also only suck his thumb when he had blankie. This was a good thing because we could control the thumb sucking...somewhat. Sometimes he would be watching tv and run and get blankie so he could hold a corner and roll it in between his fingers and suck his thumb. Those blankies were always with us and we didn't really feel a loss with any blankie because we always had the two. But, I just found out recently that Dalton had THROWN his blankie at dad's house away when he was done with it!!! WHAT? The sentimental part of me died a little at the thought. Fortunately, I have my blankie which is nicely packed away.

So, that is the saga of the blankies...sometimes I pull them out and remember my sweet babies and their blankies.

They grow up way too fast so...enjoy the moment!

Monday, March 16, 2009

I fell on my...

butt and bruised it something fierce! But, that's not all...I also broke my camera lens. We went to the Mayan for Ari and Suzanne's birthday dinner and I hung my purse on one side of the chair, the camera bag on the other side of the chair, and the coat over the back side and went to sit my fine little self down when...BAM...yep, on my arse I went. Onto the hard cement they call a floor! It hurt...and I was mad. Then, found out the camera lens was bent, or jammed or whatever you want to call it, I was more than mad! Dang! Anyone know anything about camera lenses? I'm pretty sure it's like anything with the "D" curse and also being electronic, it's not worth fixin'. I'm afraid after paying someone 50 bones to tell me what's wrong, I will soon discover I could've bought another one for a little more online. Dang...again!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Flashback Friday

I remember when Mikaela was approximately 9 months old. She was a stubborn sleeper. She didn't need a lot of sleep and didn't nap for too long. I had the hardest time getting her to learn to fall asleep on her own. I never let her sleep with me and always made her cry herself to sleep. It was difficult and challenging. One night in particular, she wouldn't go to sleep. I would put her in her crib and she would cry and cry. I went back in a few times to try and calm her down. Nothing was working. I decided she needed to just cry it out. So, I let her. I let her...for 45 minutes! She cried in her crib and I cried on the couch listening to her. It was awful! I felt awful! Then, after the 45 minutes of constant crying...I heard it...SILENCE! I waited a little bit and then quietly went into her room to peek at her and make sure she was actually asleep. She WAS asleep, but she had cried herself to sleep sitting up! Yep, sitting in a corner of the crib. I could see her tiny little fuzzy head and I wanted to take a picture so badly...but I didn't because I also didn't want to wake her up! The risk definitely outweighed the benefits at this point. It was both cute and sad at the same time. I had to leave her in that position for a little while longer to make sure she was sound asleep and then I moved her to a more comfortable position. Poor little stubborn thing!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Happy 4th Birthday Arianna!!!


So, today my little niece Ari turns 4. She is going to celebrate her birthday Mayan style for herself and the adults and Chuck-e-cheese style for the preschoolers in her life. I hope she has a super fun day. Love you little Ari and stay out of my chapstick! Click here for last year's post.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Happy Birthday Suzanne!


Today is Suzanne's birthday. I hope she has a wonderful day. I love you Suz and thanks for all you do for all of us! Click here for last year's tribute.