Just me and my 'Ohana: Finish Strong!!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Finish Strong!!!

I heard this quote the other day by one of my cycling class buddies, Lacey, who did a

little Tri transition clinic for those of us doing tri's this year.

It's the Danskin Tri motto:

"The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race!"

I loved it! I also hope, with all my heart, that it ends up being true for me. I am new to any sort of intense racing. I've done a bunch of 5k races, but that is it! I haven't dared attempt anything more, for fear of failure! So that was part of my decision in attempting a sprint triathlon.
I need this...I need something...to help me make some changes.

I discovered a few years ago in therapy that I am my own worst enemy. (I know we all are, but she said I do it more than the normal person.) All my life I have belittled myself and allowed negative self talk to defeat me. I tore myself down before others had a chance to do it. And, when others did do it, I agreed with them. I kept a journal from ages 12-21 and throughout the journal are the rantings of a self-deprecating scared little girl.

We've never been able to figure out why I did/do it and while the therapist was optimistic, she also said that realistically this would be a very difficult thing for me to overcome having done it my entire life! I try not to do it now and just being aware of it is helpful, but it is a daily work in progress for me. So, by attempting this triathlon, I am fighting with the urge to give up. I am fighting my own negative thoughts that I can't do it. That I haven't trained hard enough or the correct way. I am fighting my own thoughts that I don't deserve to accomplish this!

It's a hard challenge to overcome because I am so easily discouraged. I recognized that I've been so fortunate to avoid a serious injury so far. I've only had to deal with foot and leg cramps while swimming, foot pain and colitis symptoms while cycling, the usual shin splints and knee pain while running, dizziness and my screwed up body temperature. At this point in time, I am fighting a pulled groin muscle. Oh and let's not forget...the constant need to urinate! Most days, I can't make it through an hour run or spin class without having to stop and go to the bathroom. Even if I go right before class...and I hate having to hop off a bike just to pee! So...annoying! I know everyone has injuries and other things to deal with, but I tend to let them completely discourage me.

I get that it's dumb and I hate that I do it.

The last few weeks have been difficult mentally and I haven't been able to snap out of it, but the other day was also hard for me physically. My colitis symptoms were back and they like to hit me during spin class. I'm not sure why or what triggers it, but it does and it hurts and it's hard. Randi, my cycling instructor asked me if I was gonna throw up. I can't explain the feeling but it's not nausea, it's just pain. But, I was determined with everything I have to NOT get off the bike before class was over. So, this time I literally had to talk myself through each and every second of the last 25 minutes of class. It doesn't sound long, but when you are in pain, it so...so is! And, I did it! I was so happy to have done it, but so discouraged to have to deal with colitis again. So, I came home feeling discouraged. But, I got onto facebook and found this video posted on my friend's facebook wall. I watched it and sobbed and sobbed and then found the inspiration I needed to continue training. So, here I am a week before my first sprint triathlon. I'm scared...I'm in pain...I'm mentally a mess...but I am also excited...and full of anticipation...and amazed that I have hung in there...and I plan to finish....I plan to FINISH STRONG!!!

Barcelona Sprinter & His Father from Adam Wills on Vimeo.

So to pump me up and get me excited...I've decided to put an "inspirational quote a day" on my facebook status everyday leading up to the race. Here is my fav that I plan to post the day before my race:

"It is a comforting moment when we suddenly realize that our commitment to race, to participate in something so important to us-our dream-will be actualized. We have made it to the starting line. In this moment, the probability that we will do the event reaches 100 percent. The hundreds of things that can go wrong leading up to a [triathlon], have been cleverly averted, and the thousands of things required to get to the start are all now officially history." - Mitch Thrower

4 comments:

Hillary said...: WOW! I have alays thought you were amazing just for running the 5ks. Something I do not even dare to try. Now a tri. You are amazing. Good luck! I will be cheering for you. :); May 17, 2010 at 8:42 AM
Keli said...: I do the negative self talk too. I try so hard to stop, but when it's your "happy place" it's hard to quit! Good luck with the tri. I know you'll do awesome!; May 17, 2010 at 9:35 AM
Jill Johnson said...: My best therapy has always been training. There is nothing like knowing you can accomplish something that few can. My therapist told me the most important thing was to find one thing that is just yours.; May 17, 2010 at 10:55 AM
Kelli said...: I do the negative talk too. I never realized that I did it but Troy tells me that I do. I wasn't raised to be able to do anything but I am learning that you can do anything you set your mind too. Good luck with the tri!; May 19, 2010 at 3:27 PM

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Quotes that are totally worth remembering

8/7/11: We were visiting my cousin's ranch for a big family dinner and Dalton saw two dogs in the "mating kennel." He kept asking everyone what they were doing. Summer told him they were playing "leap frog" and I said it was actually "leap dog" but he said he didn't believe it. Then, he just kept asking and told us to watch and then even demonstrated. Jake told him the one was giving the other a back massage. Finally, I told him it was a mating kennel and he said, "oh!" I asked him if he knew what it meant and he said, "like a boyfriend and girlfriend?" I said, "well, they're supposed to be husband and wife but dogs don't have weddings. We'll talk more about this later."

6/11: I walked into the house after saying goodbye to my boyfriend and Dalton said to me, "mom, I saw you guys through the window." I said, "oh ya, what did you see?" and he replied, "well, first there was talking...and then there was romance!"

6/28/10: Dalton asked me if I knew grandpa was trying to make a movie. I said yes and he said, "I can't wait to see it cuz grandpa has an imagination."

4/23/10: I overheard Dalton telling Hudson, "I am a 7 year old! There's no way I can have a bunch of upgrades that I can keep track of!" (You know upgrades on the DS..trust me, it was funny.)

2-27-10: Suzanne's wedding photographer was Summer's ex boyfriend Mike. He was in one of the rooms uploading photos to his laptop and Dalton sat down beside him and said, "so, are you having a good time at work?"

2-26-10: Grandpa offered me something to eat and we both knew it had meat in it. I asked him if it had meat in it and he said yes and I said, "um...no thank you!" Then Dalton said, "she's not a fan of meat."

2-26-10: We were trying Dalton's tux on him for Suzanne's wedding. It was too big so we were trying to figure out what we were going to do to fix it. Dalton said, "I don't know why adults get so obsessed with nice clothes. They're all like, oh it doesn't fit, it's too big."

12-30-09: Hudson was making Mii's on the Wii and asked how tall grandpa was. Dani said he was 6 foot and is the tallest in our family and Hudson replied..."not for long!" (He was told by a Dr. when he was 2 that he might be 6' 1" and he is holding on to that one!)

12-19-09: I asked all the kids if they liked the movie "The Princess and the Frog" that they had seen the night before with grandpa and the cousins and they all liked it except Dalton. I asked if he liked the movie and he said, "I didn't really like it." I said, "Why?" and he said, "because it was too lovey."

12-7-09: We were making gingerbread houses with the cousins and I overhear Hudson tell Dalton who just sat on his lap, "dude, that probably hurt your nuts." Dalton said, "it didn't hurt my nuts." So I said, "Dalton do you know what nuts are?" and he said, "balls" and then I said, "do you know what balls are?" and he pointed down towards his lap with a smile. And this whole time I still thought my baby was innocent. {sniff, sniff}

8-20-09: Cham asked Dalton how school was going so far. He said, "ok" and she asked how his teacher was and he said, "she's ok...she's kinda strict." Cham asked, "isn't it easy for you because you're such a rule follower?" Dalton said, "No, I've had a lot of hard stuff in my life!" (So, I'm wondering what he's going to say, right?) He continues, "Like laps...I have to run laps without stopping and it's really hard!"

7-10-09: We were getting in my car and Hudson says to me, "how's your tire pressure, mom?" I asked him how he knows about tire pressure and he said, "scouts." I love my little man.

5-20-09: Dalton made some comment about two people making out. I asked him if he knew what making out meant. He said, "isn't it just kissing a lot?" I said, "well, yes but you can't do that till you're like 45!" Dalton said, "45! My dad's not even 45...you mean dad hasn't made out?!?"

5-11-09: Hudson was having a coughing fit and Dalton says, "Hudson, you've gotta lay off the hot sauce!"

5-4-09: Dalton said, "Mom, I know that no one likes a back seat driver...but the speed limit is 40!"

1-20-09: Dalton said, "I don't know why but Mikaela wears bras! Not to be rude but...she's only 12!"

1-17-09: The kids were eating lunch and Dalton was the last one to finish. We were in a hurry so I said, "Dalton, hurry up. We need to go. Eat faster." He replied, "I'm enjoying my food...that's what I do!"

12-20-08: We went to Hudson's basketball game and when we got to the car he was goofing off and I said "get in...hurry...I'm freezing! And, you should be cold too since you're in shorts!" Hudson replies, "I can handle it cause I'm a man and you're not!"

12-18-08: We went to Ari's first dance recital. She used Mikaela's curly hairpiece to fit over her bun and give her a ponytail of curls. So, cute. Afterwards we took pictures and Cham says to Dalton "you didn't have your picture taken with Ari. She is the star tonight, you know?" Dalton says, "well I don't know about that, but she has the biggest hair!"

12-8-08: We have one humidifier that we are all trying to share right now. I had it in Mikaela's room and was planning to move it to the boys room when I went to bed that night. I didn't move it and in the morning Hudson came in my room and said, "mom, you forgot to put the fumigator in our room!" Fumigator is right! Two boys in one room. Maybe he's onto something...

12-5-08: Everyone was getting haircuts and it was Dalton's turn. He's talking to the lady and she's laughing at him. She says, "you're cute!" He says, "yep!" She later says, "you're funny!" He says, "yep!" Then she says, "How old are you?" He says, "six!" She says, "Are you sure you're not 16?" He replies, "nope...not even six and a half!" She replies, "you're just so well-spoken."

11-30-08: Dalton needed to go to the bathroom and we were at a public place so I made him go in the womens bathroom with me. (I worry about him going into a public bathroom alone and without Hudson!) So, we head in and Dalton says "mom, when it's just you and me and we go to the girls' bathroom...it's kinda embarassing!" Poor kid...what to do?

11-13-08: Dalton was eating Total cereal and he said "this cereal doesn't have any taste. It's kinda boring to eat."

Dalton came out of the bathroom and told Summer..."I wouldn't go in there for like 2 days!"

Hudson and I were making ziploc omelets which he learned how to do in scouts. It was taking a while and D-rock jokingly says "eggs take 10 years to cook." Hudson jokingly responds "no they don't because I've had eggs and I'm nine." He's such a smart alec but he put D-rock in his place.

I had reminded Dalton that this was his last day of kindegarten and he would never be a kindegartner again. I went to pick him up from school and he comes out saying "mom, it's my last day of kindegarten and I still can't read!" I guess he assumed it would all pop into his head suddenly on the last day!

We were at the pool and Dalton said something about needing to do something for our aunt Alicia. Mikaela said "Dalton, you know she's not our real aunt, don't you?" Dalton exclaimed "Why didn't anyone tell me that my whole life!"

Mikaela was telling about a situation with a "mean girl" at school and she was going on and on about the nastiness of it all and Hudson said "too bad you're not a boy, Mikaela, we don't have that stuff!" How true!

Summer asked Dalton to stop growing up and he said "Not gonna happen!" Then, she later said it again and he replied "I can't, it's impossible!"

We were trying to find something for Dalton to take to "show and tell" and he was turning everything down. Finally he says "show and tell is just disappointing." So, we quit and he went to school without anything.

Dalton was telling us that he thought this girl in his class named Kylee was cute. Later that evening, as we were eating dinner, someone said to Dalton "Dalton, you're cute!" Then he replies "so's Kylee."

Dalton made a craft project. He said, "I can't wait for Hudson to come home, he'll just criticize it." Looks like I need to educate Hudsy bear so he's not so critical. He comes by it genetically, this won't be easy.

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All images and original content on this blog site are the sole property of Moi and are not to be used, reproduced or transmitted without my written consent. I know it is tempting because my life is the epitome of awesomeness and who wouldn't want to steal it? But don't, because if you steal a part of it, you must take all of it. You must then take over my life and I promise you this...you will want to return it and there are no returns, take backsies or do overs! (Believe me, I've tried!)

Just me and my 'Ohana

Monday, May 17, 2010

Finish Strong!!!

4 comments:

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