Monday, May 17, 2010

Finish Strong!!!

I heard this quote the other day by one of my cycling class buddies, Lacey, who did a
little Tri transition clinic for those of us doing tri's this year.

It's the Danskin Tri motto:

"The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race!"

I loved it! I also hope, with all my heart, that it ends up being true for me. I am new to any sort of intense racing. I've done a bunch of 5k races, but that is it! I haven't dared attempt anything more, for fear of failure! So that was part of my decision in attempting a sprint triathlon.
I need this...I need help me make some changes.

I discovered a few years ago in therapy that I am my own worst enemy. (I know we all are, but she said I do it more than the normal person.) All my life I have belittled myself and allowed negative self talk to defeat me. I tore myself down before others had a chance to do it. And, when others did do it, I agreed with them. I kept a journal from ages 12-21 and throughout the journal are the rantings of a self-deprecating scared little girl.

We've never been able to figure out why I did/do it and while the therapist was optimistic, she also said that realistically this would be a very difficult thing for me to overcome having done it my entire life! I try not to do it now and just being aware of it is helpful, but it is a daily work in progress for me. So, by attempting this triathlon, I am fighting with the urge to give up. I am fighting my own negative thoughts that I can't do it. That I haven't trained hard enough or the correct way. I am fighting my own thoughts that I don't deserve to accomplish this!

It's a hard challenge to overcome because I am so easily discouraged. I recognized that I've been so fortunate to avoid a serious injury so far. I've only had to deal with foot and leg cramps while swimming, foot pain and colitis symptoms while cycling, the usual shin splints and knee pain while running, dizziness and my screwed up body temperature. At this point in time, I am fighting a pulled groin muscle. Oh and let's not forget...the constant need to urinate! Most days, I can't make it through an hour run or spin class without having to stop and go to the bathroom. Even if I go right before class...and I hate having to hop off a bike just to pee! So...annoying! I know everyone has injuries and other things to deal with, but I tend to let them completely discourage me.

I get that it's dumb and I hate that I do it.

The last few weeks have been difficult mentally and I haven't been able to snap out of it, but the other day was also hard for me physically. My colitis symptoms were back and they like to hit me during spin class. I'm not sure why or what triggers it, but it does and it hurts and it's hard. Randi, my cycling instructor asked me if I was gonna throw up. I can't explain the feeling but it's not nausea, it's just pain. But, I was determined with everything I have to NOT get off the bike before class was over. So, this time I literally had to talk myself through each and every second of the last 25 minutes of class. It doesn't sound long, but when you are in pain, it is! And, I did it! I was so happy to have done it, but so discouraged to have to deal with colitis again. So, I came home feeling discouraged. But, I got onto facebook and found this video posted on my friend's facebook wall. I watched it and sobbed and sobbed and then found the inspiration I needed to continue training. So, here I am a week before my first sprint triathlon. I'm scared...I'm in pain...I'm mentally a mess...but I am also excited...and full of anticipation...and amazed that I have hung in there...and I plan to finish....I plan to FINISH STRONG!!!

Barcelona Sprinter & His Father from Adam Wills on Vimeo.

So to pump me up and get me excited...I've decided to put an "inspirational quote a day" on my facebook status everyday leading up to the race. Here is my fav that I plan to post the day before my race:

"It is a comforting moment when we suddenly realize that our commitment to race, to participate in something so important to us-our dream-will be actualized. We have made it to the starting line. In this moment, the probability that we will do the event reaches 100 percent. The hundreds of things that can go wrong leading up to a [triathlon], have been cleverly averted, and the thousands of things required to get to the start are all now officially history." - Mitch Thrower


Hillary said...

WOW! I have alays thought you were amazing just for running the 5ks. Something I do not even dare to try. Now a tri. You are amazing. Good luck! I will be cheering for you. :)

Keli said...

I do the negative self talk too. I try so hard to stop, but when it's your "happy place" it's hard to quit! Good luck with the tri. I know you'll do awesome!

Jill Johnson said...

My best therapy has always been training. There is nothing like knowing you can accomplish something that few can. My therapist told me the most important thing was to find one thing that is just yours.

Kelli said...

I do the negative talk too. I never realized that I did it but Troy tells me that I do. I wasn't raised to be able to do anything but I am learning that you can do anything you set your mind too. Good luck with the tri!