Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I'm up and at it...I think!


I'm gonna be a downer for a minute...

I've been MIA for a little bit. Not sure why. I think it's a combination of things. A little Influenza A or maybe piggy flu with the boys. (A fourth grader at the school came down with Swine flu). Or maybe busy with the end of school stuff. I don't know.

I've been sad too.

Life is overwhelming at times. Everything seems to happen at once. I keep hearing of people I know getting sick and having real troubles. It makes me sad. It seems like it's been a very long time since something wonderful has happened. I wonder when that will happen again? I wonder if it will ever happen again?

Today, for the first time, EVER...I believe...I actually admitted out loud that being a single mom is hard! I have always handled it and felt like it was really the least of my problems. I didn't feel like a good mom most of the time, but I felt like I did the single mom thing as well as I could. But...not today. The 11 year old car broke down AGAIN (with something that I had already paid to have fixed) so I ran it to the shop and after repairs and some money I drove off only to discover that my blinkers don't work at all! I now have a wiring problem in my steering column. I know it's not a big deal, but it's hard. You can really only do the hand signals for so long. KnowwhatImean?

So, ya...I cried.

It's hard to find a job in this economy. It's hard to find the right job that isn't going to totally take away from my kids. It's hard to balance everything. It's hard when money isn't there. It's hard to hear harsh words thrown at you constantly. It's hard to buy a house on your own. It's hard to stay strong. It's hard to have faith. It's hard to be positive. Oh...and it's hard to live in a hot house. (You know I couldn't go a summer without complaining about this one!)

No one understands how hard it is to be a single mom till they actually do it. It basically sucks.

Now, granted I'm not sick or dying. I haven't suffered anything hugely traumatic. I have a bright future ahead of me. Sometimes I forget that or sometimes I choose not to look at it that way. That's why I like to read Nie Nie. It brings me back to where I need to be.

So...for now I hope I'm done being a downer.

I'm ready to play this 4th of July weekend!!!

Rock on!!!

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